The tradgey of change

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8


Oh boy. I hate change. Anyone who knows me, knows that I do not cope well when it comes to change. 146 days until graduation. Till life as I know it is over. How scary is that?! As I am thinking about Christmas break, and being home for three weeks, I am pondering, do I take stuff home with me? Now the average person would not... however my room is like a museum, or a giant scrapbook. I have stuff... EVERYWHERE. (and just as a side note, it is CLEAN today!)

Anyway, change. So I graduate, then what? Go home? Oh man. I have one word for you: Hickory. I love the area, but I just dont know. I hear a lil kc voice saying "you wanna go back to hickory?! what are you thinking?! Don't you remember we just wanted to get away from that place about four years ago?!" Oh man... how I remember. But where else would I or could I go? Plus... the area is nice, I am in love with the apartment I will hopefully move into next summer, and the river will be oh so close. And... I won't be that far from my college buddies. (especially if amanda and i live together.)

But ya know... It is so sad. This whole change thing. When you throw in the idea of moving away from the purple and yellow, and all the friends that have been made over the past four year, it is a crazy thought, but reality. I think about my parents and god mother... they are not really friends with any of their college buddies anymore. That just makes me so sad. But I guess everyone changes, and forms their own lives. I can already see it happening. Over the past six months I could name almost ten girls who have gotten engaged. Marriage is definetly in the air. Yet I cannot even find a nice guy to go to lunch with. I guess there are good things and bad things about this situation. I will be conquering the "real" world alone. Which is scary. However, no one cares about me or what I do, so it doesn't matter if I just up and leave, pick a new city, try out a new life.... who knows. Maybe move to europe and take some language classes or something. My aunt would love that one!

The more I think about it the more I get scared. But I have to keep telling myself that I am never truly alone. God has been and will always be with me. He will never let me down. Even when others do. Who knows where I will be a year from now when everyone else I know/ knew (which is sad but may be true) will be in grad school, planning weddings, living abroad, doing missions work, or working the job that their degree prepared them for. (maybe... if i coulda changed anything about college, i would have picked a degree that would guareentee me a job, or atleast provide me a job field to enter... i get to carry this lovely communications wildcard with me wherever i want to take it i suppose!)

Okay, well this was not a fun blog. I may think about something fun to write a lil later... just incase anyone actually reads these. I dont want to leave you hanging with the tradgey of change. But if you have any words of advice to leave me with... that would be greatly appreciated. :) And ps. lets not even get started on the idea of my budget! Ha!