I have to say, that the best time to take a look at your life and ponder is right after some big change. Whether it be a graduation or a birthday; losing a friend or missing your buddies; the end of a season, or the beginning of a friendship; changing your job, or changing your underwear. Shall I explain? I shall.
I am not one for change. It has been awhile since I last wrote one of these blogs, partially because of all the changes that I have been faced with recently... the other part simply being that I have become pretty darn lazy. I am sure there is some kind of theory about how "with change comes _____." (You fill it in, because I know that for me, 75% of the time my answer is stress, anxiety, sadness). However recently I have began to realize that what fits into that blank is whatever I make fit into it. Rather than thinking about how difficult it might be, I need to think of it as a challenge. I've gotta make that glass be half full, if not more. Change is a scary thing, but its nothing that I can't handle... under certain circumstances. I've got to learn from my past. I've got to think about my future. I've got to constantly remind myself that Jesus loves me and He is not going to abandon me.
So lets break down the times in life when I recommend you take a quick look at your life.
Graduation or a birthday. Over the past several months I have realized that I cannot focus on what "I thought my life would be like by the time I graduated" but I have to look at what my "life is like now" now that I've graduated. There's a huge difference. When I was a kid I always imagined that when I "grew up" (probably meaning when I was in high school) that I would be outgoing, thin and beautiful with long blond hair, and (this was the important part of my mental image...) driving a red jeep wrangler out on the beach with it packed full of my friends. This never happened. And it's doubtful that it ever will... but by trying to live up to some unrealistic mental image or life plan that I had for myself, I always felt like I could never quite cut it. Just because what I expected and hoped would happen didn't, doesn't mean that I am not living what I am supposed to be doing.... I think alot of us tell ourselves that "By the time I'm 21 I will have ____. I want to have a successful job and family by the time I am __ years old." First off, its like clothing sizes... numbers should not matter. Secondly, we aren't in control of any of this. God must sit around and blatantly laugh at us, thinking "when are they going to get the memo that I have a plan for them, and the mental time line with society driven ideas is meaningless." You know, after I graduated from high school I figured that my future would consist of going off to college, figuring out my life, meeting a great guy (who by the way was quite a stud), graduating, having a job lined up, shortly followed by a ring on my finger. How wrong I was, but oh boy is that okay.
Losing a friend or missing some buddies. When you lose someone, whether its a grandparent passing away, a best friend moving away, breaking up with someone you are dating, or a friend getting lost in a super walmart... this is probably a good time to ponder your life. If I never took a second to ponder my life when my grandfather passed away I can't promise you that I would be the christian girl I am today. If I did not ponder and reestablish my life when one of my best friends moved across the country I probably would not be the quality friend that I am today. If I didn't ponder my life after getting burned in a relationship, then I probably would not respect and appreciate my friends and family who are loyal and loving towards me. "JMU prepared us to be all together one, but they didn't prepare us to go on our individual paths after four years" (quoting christen lawrence a few days after we graduated) I miss my college buddies like you cannot imagine, but I know that this change will be what I make it out to be. This is not the end of any of our friendships, and if anything, some of these relationships will grow stronger. But by "losing" my buddies and being thrown out of my jmu bubble I have realized alot. Alot about myself, my current friends, and what I look for in new friends.
The end of a season, the beginning of a friendship. Now these two have very little to do with each other, but I just liked how it flowed with the whole beginning and end thing... Anyways, the end of a season. Ya'll should know that I am a huge 24 fan. It is not uncommon for me to crack a lame 24 joke and think to myself "what would jack do?" :P By the time the end of the season rolls around, not only have I spent an entire day of my life watching television but I have to find something else to do between the hours of 9 and 10 PM on monday nights. Talk about change. Maybe now I can pick up a new hobby or find a new show. Live it up I suppose. I knew this day was coming, the day when Jack Bauer would not be there for my entertainment, but that doesn't make it any better I suppose. Okay so I had a point but that just became a random plug for the show 24... let me continue with "the beginning of a friendship." I can read people pretty well. Its a skill that I have fine tuned throughout my years. It has happened atleast three times in my life where I have met someone and immediately realized that this person is going to be important to me. Its pretty crazy, but I do like it. But even when, deep down, I know that a relationship will be formed, it will cause still drastic changes in my life. Maybe not right off the bat, but over a few weeks, months, or even years; there is a reason why we are friends. There is something that I am supposed to learn from you. God causes our paths to cross, and when that happens I recommend this is when you begin to ponder. I did, and I ended up with some of the best friends a girl could ask for.
Changing your job, or changing your underwear. Well again let me stress that these two don't have much to do with each other, other than the fact that they are both very important to having a successful life. Changing your job, your major, your goals, your career path... this is something that has always caused me alot of stress and anxiety. I don't want to sound like some kind of expert on any of this change crap, because by all means I am not... not one bit. But to get through everything in the past 6 months I have realized that I need to do what makes me happy. I need to do what clicks. I need to look through all the doorways that God opens up for me. My dad might not be happy that I have taken a certain job, my friend may not think its a promising career, my family may think its all about the money.... but who cares. Who cares what people think. I have a great friend who feels like she needs to go to Austrailia to live for a few months, with a little less than a plan and a one way ticket. 95% of her loved ones think she's crazy, but if this is what clicks for her.... then good for her! She is taking that chance, going half way around the world, and she is going to live it up. Sometimes it seems to me that everyone (including myself) is so up in other people's business that they forget about their own. (Eh, thats just a random loaded comment, please ignore it.) Anyway, do what makes you happy. If it makes you happy for a month, do it for a month. If it makes you happy for a year, do it for a year. If you wake up one day and realize this isn't what you should be doing, take some time, ponder, and start looking at the hallway God has you standing in. Some doors are wide open and some are locked shut. You've got to figure out which one has your name on it. Changing your underwear.... a minor change in your everyday life, but one of the most important changes we make. I don't really know where I was going with this comment, I actually just put it because I thought it sounded funny. You know how you can wear a pair of jeans several times before changing them (and if you have traveled around europe with a backpack you know you can go a couple of weeks... yeah, ew, gross, i know.) Anyway, you have to change your clothes. There's no question in that point. But certain things change at certain times. Everything changes in life. Embrace the things that are in constant change (the underwear you have with the days of the week on them), and be aware of the big change that will happen once in a blue moon (yep, your jeans finally smell bad, its time to do laundry).
It was Job in the Old Testament who had everything taken away from him... All of his friends came along and told him to lose faith in God, even his wife basically told him to give it up, but Job stayed a faithful believer. God didn't promise us the security of our possessions, but He did promise us His love. When everything is changing, when you think that you haven't lived up your childhood or college or adulthood dreams, take a sec and look at what you have done and what it means to you. I've had to realize that I may not be the person I expected I would be. There's a reason why certain people have entered my life. There's a reason why certain people have burned me in the past. Everything happens for a reason, it may be a reason that I don't understand at all, but someone bigger than me does, and He planned it that way. And that my friend is all that matters.
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